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Danville Enlightener VOL. VIII, No. 41
Cliques vs FriendshipsCliques! Our young people attending school (public or private) are faced with cliques. What makes it more difficult for our youth are their parents. It seems many of our young have parents who either were in a clique or were dying to be in one and they are doing all they can to make sure their children are included. While these parents have good intentions, they are instilling in their children attitudes that are unscriptural. Cliques are, by definition, contrary to Jas 2:1-4 (showing partiality). Friendships or special interest groups are normal. Being part of a group can help people develop relationship skills, feel close to others, get and give support and share ideas. Whether “jocks,” or skateboarders, or even those who belong to the math club, these have formed friendships because they share similar interests; these friendships are pretty flexible and welcome people to join. People in these groups make it clear that anyone who shares these interests is welcomed. Cliques, however, are tight groups that usually have a strict code of membership and ways to act. Instead of being centered on shared values and beliefs, cliques tend to focus on maintaining status and popularity. For instance, a certain clique may try to make it seem like the people in the clique are “better” than those outside, or that their clique is of higher status than another clique. People in cliques sometimes use their power to hurt others on purpose, either by excluding them, being mean, or both. Unlike regular groups of friends, where members are free to socialize with others outside the group, people in cliques do everything together. They sit together in class; go to the mall together after school — and they only do stuff with other clique members or people they decide are “cool.” Churches are not immune; occasionally even young people who are Christians fall into the clique snare. Compromise is necessary for belonging to cliques because of dealing with pressures and rules. Afraid of being dropped from the clique many begin compromising beliefs and engaging in things they know to be wrong. Cliques are not unique to the young. Regardless of age, social status is often the most important thing one can have. But for the young being popular or cool is something “to die for.” And let’s be frank, none like to feel left out and cliques make us feel we are on the inside instead of being on the outside. Clique membership is usually tightly controlled by the leaders. These social gatekeepers are the ones with the power to decide who should be hot and who should not. “Don’t talk to her she is so not cool,” says the gatekeeper. “Do you see what she has on? Where does she buy those rags? Goodwill?” Such is both cruel and sinful. “You pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, you sit here in a good place, and say to the poor man, you stand there, or, sit here at my footstool,” (Jas 2:3). When Peter became cliquish Paul rebuked him for his hypocrisy (Gal 2:11-14). Christianity and cliques are incompatible. “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,” (Phil 2:4-5). Parents we owe it to our children to discourage not encourage cliques. Young people need to be persuaded never to be bigoted and exclusive. The pressures are great in middle and high school to form cliques and it takes courage to leave a clique or decide to remain on the outside; courage our young must develop with help from parents. ·Have your own values (2 Tim 1:12). Youth is a time for developing your values, interests, and beliefs (Eccl 12:1). If you have your own faith in Christ then you will not be seeking validation from some social clique. Ask yourself; have my group of friends morphed into something I don’t like? ·Never
compromise
your
core
beliefs
(Gal
2:13).
Because
of
peer
pressure
even
Barnabas
compromised
his
convictions.
Never
let
the
group
pressure
you
into
giving
up
things
you
believe
or
doing
things
you
think
are
wrong.
Instead
of
going
along
to
get
along,
find
someone
who
shares
your
deep
commitment
to
righteousness. Open your heart to all regardless of social standings (Jn 7:49). Some refused to come to Jesus because of social pressures. Cliques can be very limiting in the way they control how members look, think, dress, and behave. Don’t let them make you miss out on getting to know people who may become close friends. Speak up (Gal 2:11). Paul did not keep silent about Peter’s exclusiveness, and neither should we. If you feel your group of friends is turning into a clique, take a stand for your beliefs; tell them “this isn’t right.” This is hard because the clique might go on without you. But there is also a chance that others might follow your lead and stop. Stand up (Eph 6:13). Never go along with what you don’t believe is right — even if others are doing it. Stand up for what is right and against what is wrong because you are the only one responsible for your behavior. True friends will respect your stand. Friendships are wonderful but cliques can make life miserable. God says “A man who has friends must himself be friendly,” (Prov 18:24). This is how God wishes for us to be, and it pays giant dividends. Being a friend means being respectful, fair, interested, trustworthy, honest, caring, and kind. So if you want to have friends, be just the kind of friend you’d like to have (Matt 7:12).
-- jrb
AS
I
SEE
IT
“Then Jesus said to them, come after Me, and I will make you become fishers of men,” (Mk 1:17). When reading the New Testament one is immediately impressed with the zeal with which early Christians embarked upon their worldwide commission (Mk 16:15; Matt 28:19-20) as fishers of men. Luke records in Acts 8:4, “Therefore those who were scattered went everywhere preaching the word.” Neither persecution nor the fear of death deterred these first century believers. Today, like then, Christ intends for Christians to be missionaries (not in the denominational sense) to the world. That is, our mission is to take the good news of salvation in Christ to the lost. “Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit,” (Jn 15:2). Today many claiming an adherence to New Testament Christianity have assumed a kind of reverse mission. Instead of being the church’s missionaries to the world, many modern believers are becoming the world’s missionaries to the church. That is, instead of taking the message of the gospel to the world, many are bringing the world’s message into the church. Some gospel preachers have become religious “Dr. Phil’s.” They are preaching a gospel of feel goodism and self worth. Eliminating the negative and focusing upon the positive. Make people feel good and make them feel they have been to church on Sundays. Never appear to be judgmental; never condemn sins such as immodesty, the social drinking of alcoholic beverages, going to the prom, viewing pornography (soft and hardcore). Don’t ask someone about his divorce and never, never remotely suggest that an influential brother has a child who is not |