August 19, 2007

“But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him” (Lk 15:28). This is the older brother’s response when his younger brother returned home and his father received him. How would you describe his reaction? I can sum it up in one word “selfishness.”

He wasn’t concerned with the well being of his brother and he certainly did not care about his father – his only concern was for himself. So, when his brother returned (Lk 15:20-24) instead of joining in on the celebration, he pouted. He swelled up and refused to go in to the party. He needed to grow up!

Babies are notoriously selfish. They are oblivious to anything but their own well-being. When they are uncomfortable they scream until someone relieves their discomfort. Their disposition is determined by the degree to which things go their way.

We expect babies to gradually mature—physically, intellectually, and emotionally. Unfortunately, while many people mature physically and intellectually, their emotional development becomes stunted. They still view the world as they did when they were babies. Like this pouting older brother, they see everything as a huge sphere revolving around them, existing primarily for their own well-being. When things do not go their way they react in some infantile way, crying, pouting, pitying themselves, throwing a temper tantrum or even throwing objects near at hand. They very often try to attract attention to themselves by boasting of their accomplishments or by criticizing others. They need to grow up!

It matters not that someone attends church services, if he or she behaves in such a selfish and egocentric way, this professed believer is carnal. Paul compares carnality to babyhood when he wrote, “And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual people but as to carnal, as to babes in Christ . . . for you are still carnal. For where

there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?” (1 Cor 3:1-3). These carnal, immature believers needed to grow up!

Since there is a parallel between carnality and immaturity, we can necessarily conclude that there is also a parallel between spirituality and maturity. The spiritual Christian shows evidence of growing up, of spiritual adulthood.

Spiritual growth takes place only as the Father, through the Word, controls our lives. As we submit to Him, He takes charge of more and more specific areas of our lives. We are growing up into Him (Eph 4:15; 1 Pet 2:2; 2 Pet 3:18).

Children often throw tantrums when they don’t get their way. This is because a peculiarity of childishness is the inability to adjust to things over which one has no control. “Johnny it is time for bed,” says Mom. Johnny has no control over this and not wanting to comply he throws a fit; he cries, kicks and refuses to brush his teeth. In bed, still pouting, he refuses to kiss Mom goodnight. He has no control over this, so he sulks.

A definite mark of maturity is the willingness to accept things we cannot change. One of the most practical prayers one can pray is, “Lord, give me strength to change what can be changed, grace to accept what cannot be changed, and wisdom to know the difference!”

Have you ever observed that some people go into orbit when things happen that to them is irritating? Take, for example, marriage; it is a fact that while most married couples love each other, many marriage partners simply cannot stand the little idiosyncrasies which they see in their spouses; they thus continually try to change their mates. Focusing on these they soon forget the wonderful qualities that caused them to fall in love. The result is a deepening bitterness that destroys not only their marriages but their own personal lives as well. This is both childish and sinful. The fruit of the Spirit is longsuffering; that is, a willingness to bear patiently with the provoking traits in others, (Gal 5:22). These need to grow up!

Sometimes the tiniest things irritate us and cause us to act selfishly and immaturely. A meal is prepared that we do not like – so we throw a tantrum and refuse to eat. We are in the presence of someone we are not particularly close to so we refuse to talk. Immaturity is being stubborn simply because we can. Grow up!

Also, maturity involves dependability. Unfinished jobs, broken promises, and unfulfilled good intentions are examples of undependability. An immature person cannot happily perform the tasks for which he is responsible. He grumbles and complains, finding no satisfaction or enjoyment in a job well done. Housewives grumble because life is dull and routine. Working mothers long to be full-time

homemakers. Men hop from job to job in quick, haphazard decisions that fail to include their wives. Some men overlook the common courtesy of phoning their wives when they cannot come home at the expected time. These need to grow up!

Mature men and women find satisfaction in making others happy. We will never find happiness by simply looking for it. The more we look the more frustrated and disappointed we become. Selfishly seeking our own enjoyment yields nothing but unhappiness. These live for the here and now, insisting on their own way in every situation. Mature people often forego immediate personal pleasures so they can bring ultimate enjoyment to others. Paradoxically, this is what brings genuine happiness to the giver, too!

These lessons take time to learn. We all feel we have a right to indulge our selfishness’s occasionally. We’ve been doing it for years, so why change now! But, remember the admonition of Paul “When I was a child, I spoke as a child; I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things,” (1 Cor 13:11). Grow up!

-- jrb

Grow Up