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Danville Enlightener VOL. VIII, No. 2
Training Children“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov 22:6). This passage often is not seriously considered until after parents have raised children to young adulthood. Then it is measured only in the context of a child leaving the Lord. In addition to parents grieving over a son or daughter’s decision to forsake Christ, they also began a process of self-flagellation because they are convinced they have failed as parents. Admittedly I have often struggled with trying to understand this very pointed statement of the writer. Did he intend to put before us a hard and fast rule that means if I do my job right there is no chance a child will abandon the Lord? Or, did he have in mind a generalization whose truth is not stained by an occasional exception? To further the dilemma we see men like Eli, Samuel and David produce evil sons, and wicked men such as Ahaz have sons like Hezekiah. This is often seen in modern families as well. It is my considered judgment that the writer is putting forth a general axiom. That is, “Generally speaking if you train up a child in the way he should go, he will not depart from it when he is old.” This does not lessen the truth; it helps us to appreciate the task before us. There are other such general proverbs. For example, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD,” (Prov 18:22). Generally speaking this is the case. There are noted exceptions (Jezebel). Therefore, it is possible that parents might do the best they can to raise children to know and love the Lord only to see those children age and then walk out on God. Children are not isolated from other influences. A son will grow up and marry someone his parents had no part in training. Work will take him into an environment parents cannot monitor let alone control. This is not being written in order for parents to find an escape clause in their responsibilities; to the contrary. Some parents decide that since this is one of those “general proverbs” they can just coast along, neglecting competent parenting and then claim “I did the best I could; he just grew up and went the other way. It’s not my fault.” Oh, really? When Paul wrote, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph 6:4), he summed up parents’ responsibilities. “Bring them up” (ektrephoô) means nurture or train to maturity. This is not just in the early years of infancy and toddlerhood. Furthermore, this is the responsibility of parents (fathers) and not grandparents, daycare or babysitters. In order for this to happen, parents must spend some time with children. It is calculated that in our society the average father spends fewer than ten minutes with his children daily. Meanwhile school has them for about six hours a day; television has them for several more hours, video games takes up considerably more time. Who or what is influencing them more? Training takes more than ten minutes per day! One reason some children go astray is because parents have not taken the time to train them. It is almost impossible to mold the mind and heart of a child while spending so little time with him. Father’s spending so little time are NOT training their children. Some children choose to enter the broad way of destruction (Matt 7:13) because of the hypocrisy they observe within their homes. While some parents sing “Jesus is all the world to me . . .” their children daily see it isn’t so. They see it is really the house, clothes, cars, recreation, social, bank accounts or some other materialistic fixation. They see and hear the fights at home; they know how much time parents spend reading the Word of God. They observe whether the gospel has changed mom or dad, and they know if their parents are the same at home as they are in worship. My birth father abandoned me before I was six months old; needless to say he had absolutely no influence in my life. Some fathers who never physically abandon their children do so for all intents and purposes. They ignore their spiritual training and they pay no attention to the examples they are setting before their children. Thus, they should not be surprised when those children do not choose the Lord. Paul
further cautions “do not provoke your children to wrath.”
One sure way of provoking a child either to wrath or discouragement (Col
3:21) is inconsistency in dealing with the child. This inconsistence might
be seen in mom and dad NOT being united when dealing with the child. Dad
might impose some penalty only to have mom come along and undo it. Mom
might have rules for the children that dad ignores when she is not there.
Or, one parent might tell the child to act a certain way at the dinner
table only to have the other parent counter that by saying “Oh,
lighten up that’s not hurting anything.”
This
creates unstableness when children need security and it forces Inconsistency also takes place because of the mood a parent happens to be in. One day mom has a headache and when a child misbehaves she lowers the boom. But the next day she feels good and a little guilty so now she lets him get by with everything short of murder. This is frustrating for all children; they simply never know what the rules are because it depends upon the mood of parents. Despite the issues faced at work and despite the annoyances and problems associated with being a stay at home mom parents must be consistent in guidance and discipline. Otherwise, children are not being trained in the way they should go. Without question some parents do their very best only to see a son or daughter reject the wise council and training received at home. However, sometimes children do not go they way they should because they were never trained. "As I See It" “I’ll have grilled chicken and a diet soda.” This is standard lunch cuisine for the weight and health conscious. Others might have salad with fat free dressing on the side, or tofu and eggplant. This is fine for those concerned with being overweight but if the Christian wants to be the kind of disciple making a difference in the 21st century then he’s going to have to put some spiritual meat on his skinny bones. “As newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby,” (1 Pet 2:2). God expects the Christian to bulk up by feeding on the written word. Elders and preachers can help by offering disciples a steady regimen of serious Bible study. Paul told the preacher Timothy, “Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching,” (2 Tim 4:2). Pulpits ought to be places where healthy soul building food is being offered. Where sermons are being preached that shoot hope to the soul, establish God as the priority of life, breathes faith into one’s waning spirit and shores up a Christian’s sagging conviction. Bible meat ought to be offered and that meat must be consumed. “For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food,” (Heb 5:12). Churches are not going to grow and defeat the devil on spiritual bean sprouts and brown rice; there must be some solid food. With a lot of pulpits occupied by “professional pulpiteers” that are poisoned with political correctness and have bought into a therapeutic approach to preaching, there’s about as much “meat” in some churches of Christ as there is animal protein at a PETA party. “I’ll have a spiritual grilled chicken and a diet soda.” Make me feel good without putting any spiritual meat on my boney soul. Today the “food police” have caused some fast food restaurants to eliminate anything they deem offensive, so it is with the “preaching police.” Don’t rebuke sin! Don’t call names! Don’t stress doctrine! Stay away from authority! AS I SEE IT, the church would be a lot better off with a steady diet of Porterhouse instead of tofu.
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