May 6, 2007

We attended the gospel meeting to hear our son preach. Filled with thanksgiving and delight we heard him acknowledge that we had helped shape his life so that he became the man he is today.

My mind wandered back to when he was a little boy and the awesome task that lie ahead. I wondered if the job would have been easier if I had been shaped by a father who knew the Lord.

Often the Bible tells children to heed the advice of fathers. “Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention to know understanding; for I give you good doctrine: do not forsake my law,” (Prov 4:1-2). “My son, keep your father's command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; Tie them around your neck,” (Prov 6:20-21). My father deserted my mother and me when I was a few months old. I cannot possibly remember the sound of his voice; he never once instructed me.

I never learned from dad to say my evening prayers; I never attended a VBS or heard my dad read the Bible. I never one time sat on his lap as he prayed for God to help him raise his son to know the Lord.

When I entered the first grade an aunt took me to school. In junior high when I began to have trouble, my dad was somewhere in Louisiana with his new family. A track coach who was in the National Guard with my step-dad took an interest and helped me get some focus.

When I graduated high school those who attended were my mom and an aunt. Frankly, I didn’t even think about my dad. By this time he had three other children and I had “fallen off the radar.” What do I do now? I wanted to enroll in Western Kentucky

University but couldn’t afford it. My Guidance Counselor discussed grants and loans but mom couldn’t be there with me and dad, well . . .

An uncle helped me get a job so I could save for college. Like so many of my classmates, during the Vietnam War, without a college deferment I was drafted into the U.S. Army in fewer than eight months.

I married a month after getting out of the army in 1968. By July 1970 I was the father of two children. June of 1972 saw a wonderful change in our lives. Sue and I became Christians and dedicated ourselves to raising our children in “The training and admonition of the Lord,” (Eph 6:4).

My dad died in 1981 in Houston, Texas. He never once tied to make contact with me. There is no way I can understand why. As the father of three wonderful children I cannot begin to fathom such neglect.

Many children live in the same residence with their fathers who are AS neglected as I was. Fathers who never set before their children examples of men who love and serve God: fathers who never take their children to church services. Some children who are given some of the niceties of life have fathers whom they have never heard lead a prayer or teach a Bible class.

It is clear to me that my dad never loved my mother. How could he? He walked out on her, leaving her to do the best she could. How many children are raised in homes where it is obvious their fathers do not love their mothers? Children hear the verbal abuse, they see the fights and they hear their mothers whimpering behind the closed bedroom door. These children see how it is always left up to mom to prepare the Bible lessons, get them off to bed and help them with their nightly prayers. They hear their mom pleading with their dad not to start another fight on the way to services. “Please!”

As a result of this uncertainty at home these children develop phobias, anxieties and doubts about their abilities and their futures. They learn not to trust, either relationships or God.

Aunt Lucille, dad’s youngest sister, told me when we finally met, “Your dad loved you.” I smiled and thanked her and then we left. Driving home with some of the “gaps” of my life filled in, I thought about that statement, “Your dad loved you.”

That statement was like clouds without water, or simply paper roses; those words were empty, they were fakes. Words are easily spoken but they can and often are hollow, meaningless phrases, said to apply ointment to years of scarring, hurt and neglect.

Fathers, do not love in word only. “My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth,” (1 Jn 3:18). If your action does not scream “I love you” to your children, you are creating within them a void that no amount of years can ever fill.

I know! I still ache for a relationship with my dad.

-- jrb

“And to the angel of the church in Sardis write . . . I know your works, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead,” (Rev 3:1). Imagine walking the streets of Sardis on Saturday looking for a place to worship the next day. Suddenly you see it, a modest little building with well manicured grounds. A sign out front advertised “The Sardis Church of Christ.” Times of services are also listed. All is well, or is it?

Jesus is rebuking the church at Sardis for many uncompleted works. For sure there were some faithful Christians struggling to serve God amidst the spiritually dead and dying (vs. 4). Unlike those of us looking for a place in which to worship, Christ sees beyond the obvious.

Despite their reputation (name) and their activities, Jesus said this group was dead. In so far as the Bible reveals the church at Sardis was not being persecuted like the churches of Smyrna and Pergamos. Instead the church was experiencing internal decay. It may have had peace but like the tranquility in a grave-yard it reflected death not accord.

“Too traditional” said the young man when questioned as to why he left a local church to begin another church. He and others felt that having structured worship services is not spiritual enough, too traditional and too “church of Christ like.” One young man, a son of an elder and his wife the daughter of a preacher, said that he was leaving the denominational church of Christ to embrace Christianity.

Each Sunday they sing (acappella for now – they said they may introduce the instrument later if the majority wishes). Along with the singing they clap (both with the rhythm and at the end). They observe the Lord’s Supper (however, they do so while offering testimonies from both male and female members as to what the Supper means to them). Instead of sermons they have Bible talks where all can comment.

Many look at this group and conclude they are a little strange but would not denounce them. Some even ask: “What’s wrong with testimonies?” Or, “I might not wish to clap but I can’t consciously criticize those who do.” Others conclude, “Sure they might BELIEVE that instruments are OK, but they do use them, so what’s the big deal?”

The nucleus of Sardis’ problem as stated by our Lord was: “I have not found your works perfect before God,” (vs. 2). The church at Sardis failed to comply with the treasured will of God.

AS I SEE IT the only way a church can be more than a name on the wall is to comply perfectly will the Will of Almighty God as revealed in the Scriptures.

Fathers & Their Children